The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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