ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Of course I have a pirate flag
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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