Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
