My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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