I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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