totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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