I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I need to sanitize my soul.
I am one with the molecules
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
