My room smells like vodka and shame
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i have herpe
just one?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's official drugs can't kill me
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
