he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
