It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I will pee on everything he values.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
