Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
