I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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