It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just invented taco cereal.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
