Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
