i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I could fuck to npr.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
