i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
