Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
