There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
