i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
