I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
