I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she told me i tasted like america
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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