Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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