my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
