i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
