We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just want nice things and good sex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
