Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
