Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
This is classic penis vs brain.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
