i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
