Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize