Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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