She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
