I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
