I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
