Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
