the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
