I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
