What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
