so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
