Already got asked if we're dating
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
