He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
and you fell through a lawn chair
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize