Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
