yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
