You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Randomize