At least make sure they are 18
Why
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Randomize
