OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
