you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
