His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
