I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize