I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
