Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
are you so shy because you have an std?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
