Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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