Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
