she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
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