11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
