please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
