If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
