Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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