I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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