Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
