the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
