i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
