I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
