Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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